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Abducted

Something large casts a shadow over Zim's house. Cut to the transmission room of Zim's lab. Zim stands in the control platform while a large transmission screen shows the Almighty Tallest. Purple is eating a burrito.

Red: So, you're saying the humans are dumb... yet tall. HOW is that even possible!?! I mean, how could anything tall be dumb?

Purple chews on a mouthful of the burrito while he talks.

Purple: Yeah!

Purple bites off a chunk of the burrito.

Purple: Huh!?! Huh!? (laughs) Can you imagine? Huh!?! Huh!?! Huh!?!

Zim: I can assure you, it's really quite-

The doorbell rings. A computer screen lifts up from the control panel with pictures of the door and door bell, along with the flashing words 'door bell.'

Zim: Door... bellll? Uh, hold on!

Zim scampers over to the control panel and pulls on a microphone.

Zim: GIR!

Zim lets go of the microphone. A machine lowers from the ceiling and dispenses GIR (in disguise). GIR lands on the floor face first, smoking.

Zim (talking slowly and clearly, for better comprehension): GIR! Re-mem-ber with your brains: You must behave like a human dog monster! Do you understand?

GIR gets up.

GIR (blithely): I really don't!

Zim: GIR!

Zim glances over to the Tallest nervously.

Zim: Human dogs don't speak!

makes circles with his arms.

GIR: Oooooh! (makes circles with his arms)"

Zim: Now go answer the door!

GIR salutes, making monkey noises and yelling assorted gibberish as he runs off.

Zim: Ah yes, where were we?

Purple: Oh yeah. Huh!?! Huh!?!

Cut to the living room, where GIR runs to the front door. The floor panel he stands on lifts up, pushed by various mechanical things. It lifts GIR up to the eyehole. GIR looks outside and can see two aliens, Blue and Green, wearing human disguises. Blue's disguise is a woman with the nametag 'Fred' while Green's disguise is a man with the nametag 'Mary.' Their disguises are horrible, consisting of papier-mache masks and a sheet with an image of a human body on it. Green and Blue push back and forth, trying to look through the eyehole. Their face pieces only cover the front of their face. GIR opens the door and sits down. Green and Blue look at each other.

Blue: Howdy, squishy! We are here to vomit language with the young man who lives in this shelter unit.

GIR stares at them.

Green: What!?! We're not aliens!

Blue: Oh, aliens! Ha! That's a good one.

Blue and Green start laughing. Green liquid starts to pour out from their real eyes behind the masks. It gets everywhere, including all over GIR.

Cut back to the lab. Purple is no longer eating the burrito, nor is his mouth full of it.

Purple: So how tall are they?

Zim: Perhaps as tall as you, my Tallest.

Red: And somehow - and I'm just trying to get this straight here - somehow they're dumb?

Zim: Like the dull-witted Gasquiggasplorch!

Red: I see! Fascinating!

Purple: Yes, it is fascinating...

The transmission starts to jump.

Purple: ...but I... don't see.

The transmission goes into static.

Zim: He.. hello? My Tallest!?! Where have you gone!?! GIR!

In the Living Room, Green and Blue sit on the couch. GIR is at Green's feet sleeping and cuddling up next to it. Zim walks in, wearing his disguise.

Zim: GIR, what have you done to the-

Zim notices the aliens.

Zim: Who're you?

Blue stands up.

Blue: Howdy, perfectly normal human worm... baby! We are your new neighbors!

Zim: You're wearing costumes!

Green looks around nervously.

Green: Eh, eh, eh, no we aren't!

Zim: Yes you are! You're not human at all! You're aliens! Your ship is emitting an interference field and it just interrupted a very important call!

Blue: Uh, uh, right! Plan 2!

Green stands up.

Green: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, what's plan 2!?!

Blue: Uh, stuff him in a sack!

Green unrolls a sack.

Zim: GIR! Defensive mode!

GIR beeps, gets up, and jumps into the sack. Green grabs Zim and stuffs him into the sack, then ties it up. A green beam envelops them and they disappear. They reappear aboard their ship. A monitor screen reads 'Today's specimen: Human.' Blue and Green pull off their disguises. Zim cuts through the sack with a mechanical spider leg. Once he is out, it retracts back into his backpack. The neighborhood is visible through glass areas of the ship's floor. Zim looks around. Green drinks Alien Juice.

Zim: Who are you!?!

Green sips on his juice.

Blue: Foolish Earthling! You have fallen victim to our clever plan!

Green: He sure did, Pa!

Zim: You threw me in a sack!

GIR gets out of the sack.

Blue: Silence! You have been chosen as a perfect specimen of the human race and will be added to our collection of life forms.

Zim: But-

Blue pulls out a stick with red lights that when he waves around makes the word 'OBEY' written in the air.

Blue: Do not attempt to resist us! We have spent hundreds of your Earth years harvesting the galaxy, haven't we? Adding to our collection!

Hundreds of empty tubes line the ship. Green stands next to one of them. He breathes on the glass to fog it up and wipes it with a piece of cloth.

Zim: Well, where are they?

Green: They escaped!

Blue: Oh! Oh! Don't say that! It might give him ideas!

Green hides his mouth behind the piece of cloth. He lowers it and groans.

Zim: But I'm not human!

Zim removes his wig and contacts. He holds up one of the contacts.

Zim: See? Not human! Only a brilliant disguise!

GIR eats the other contact.

Zim: I can see how you can be fooled but-

Blue: You ARE human! We have proof!

Blue points to the monitor. It goes into static then changes to a surveillance video of Ms. Bitters' classroom. Dib slides out of his seat and pops up next to Zim.

Dib: I know what you are, Zim!

Zim stands on his desk.

Zim: I'm human, yep! Human, human, human! Just look at my neck!

The camera zooms in and freezes on Zim's neck. Green claps. GIR claps too. Zim drops the contact to the ground.

Zim: I was lying! Surely you've heard of the mighty Irken race!

GIR nods.

Green: We don't get that TV no more! I read a lot though.

Blue: How do you explain the dog then, eh? Eh? Humans keep dogs as pets!

Green makes a noise. He stretches the noise out for a long time.

Green: Yeah! The dog, 'splain it!

Zim: This is GIR.

GIR takes a bow.

Zim: He's disguised as a dog, you fools! GIR, cast off your amazing doggy ruse and show them your mighty robot form!

GIR does a dramatic back flip and pulls off the disguise, in serious mode. He then waves and goes into regular mode.

GIR: Hee hoo! Hi there!

Blue: Would you look at that?

Zim: Ya see? Now if you could just-

Blue: What a smart dog! Come here, doggy!

Blue walks towards the tubes. GIR follows, giggling. Blue pats him on the head, then opens the tube. GIR hops inside. Blue shuts it. GIR waves to Zim.

Zim: Oh come on!

Blue: He will make a fine addition to our collection, mmm!

Zim: Could you just maybe drop me off?

Green: Impossible! We've gone past the point of no retuuuuuuuuuurn!

Green claws the air. Zim motions to his house, which is visible through the glass floor.

Zim: But my house is right down there! I could probably just jump onto the roof! Waaait! You're hovering above an Earth neighborhood in plain sight!?!

Blue taps the glass of the tube GIR is in.

Blue: Do you think we're stupid!?! We're using advanced cloaking technology, aren't we? Our ship is disguised and perfectly unnoticeable!

Cut to the outside of the ship. It is disguised as a whale. A neighbor sits in a lawn chair in the yard across the street. His wife stands next to him.


Neighbor: Uhh, look at that! It's one of them Orca whales, yeah...

Cut back to the interior of the ship.

Blue: Eh, but enough philosophy.

Zim: But, we haven't been talking about-

Blue: Let the hideous experiments begin!

Blue pushes a lever on a control panel. A mechanical arm moves along the edge of the railing and then lifts up along the massive rows of tubes. It swivels around and attaches to a tube with a containment device inside labeled 'CANO HUMAN.' The mechanical arm lowers the tube down. Blue sips the Alien Juice and hits himself on the head with a roll of duct tape.

Blue: Gaahah!

The tube lowers down next to Green and the CANO HUMAN opens. Green opens the tube and pulls out the CANO HUMAN.

Green: We will begin by fusing you to another human being!

Green lifts a gopher out of the CANO HUMAN, which then closes. The gopher squeaks and wiggles around.

Zim: That's no human being! That's a gopher!

Blue: Silence! Begin the fusion!

Blue takes the CANO HUMAN from Green and hands Green the duct tape. Green places the gopher on Zim then pulls out some duct tape from the roll and bites it loose. Green then tapes the gopher onto Zim's head.

Blue: Oh, incredible. Incredible work. Success.

Green: Thank you, thank you! Oh, what shall we do next? Oh, let's fuse him with this juice!

Green takes the space juice from Blue.

Blue: No, no, I think we've already proven our mastery of the fusing technology!

Zim turns around.

Green: Oh, the juice! JUICE!

Green shakes the juice around. Zim looks for a way to escape.

Blue: Look, I'm the captain and I'm sick of you always fusing things to my juice!

Blue takes his juice back. Zim notices a hatch in the ship and walks over towards it.

Blue: Ooh, I know! Why don't we test how he reacts to having things shoved through his head!

Blue sips on the juice.

Green: Shoving? No! No, his head's just begging for a juice fusion!

Green makes a strange noise.

Zim tries to fit himself through the hatch, but it is too small for his head to go through.

Blue: The human is escaping!

Zim grunts.

Blue: Stop him!

Zim hops out and pulls the gopher off of his head.

Zim: Run, gopher! Go for help!

Zim pushes the gopher through the hatch. Cut to the ship exterior. The gopher falls through a hole in the bottom of the whale and crashes in Zim's yard with a squeak.

Neighbor: Uh, well now, look at that!

Wife: Hmm..

Blue and Green loom over Zim. Zim points up. The aliens look up. When they look back down, Zim is gone. They look back up, then back down. They do this a final time, then look behind themselves and see Zim leave the room, a metal door closing behind him.

Blue: Oh, another escape! Is it just me? Is it me!?! Huh!?!

Zim runs down a hallway where those tubes are stacked up. Zim climbs a ladder. The massive room is lined with tubes. Several tubes move along tracks on the ceiling. Zim reaches the top of the ladder which leads to a catwalk. Zim runs along the catwalk and then runs along several other catwalks. A machine sending sparks of electricity casts flickering shadows. The shadows of the aliens appear on the wall. Zim runs along the wall and passes a door. He walks back to the door and presses a button next to it. The door opens and Zim walks inside. It closes behind him. The alien's shadows flicker by again. The next room has even more tubes.

Zim: There must be some way off this stupid thing.

Blob (voice only): Hello? Over here!

Cut to a snack room on the ship. Elevator music plays. Two juice dispensers are on the wall. The aliens search for Zim. Blue opens a cupboard while Green looks inside an empty cup.

Blue: We shouldn't of fused him! We made him twice as powerful! Twice as deadly!

Green sets the cup down.

Green: I'm telling you, that juice would've slowed him down but good!

Cut to the tube room. Zim walks through rows of tubes until he sees one tube with a blob creature inside. The blob has various items tapped to its head. Zim approaches the rube with the blob in it.

Zim: Hey, what are you?

Blob: I don't even know anymore! They fused me so many times! Everyone else they kidnap escapes but I'm so heavy now, so disgusting! What's this thing!?!

The blob points to the head of a creature that looks like GIR's moose squeak toy that is tapped to the Blob's head. Zim pounds the glass.

Zim: How do they get away!?!

The blob points to an air duct.

Blob: That duct up there leads to the emergency escape ships! If only I had an arm-

Zim's robotic spider legs extend from his Irken Utility Pack and attach to the ceiling, pulling him up.

Blob: -or a leg or maybe... yes! Someone to help me get there!

Zim crawls along the ceiling and opens the grill to the vent and crawls inside.

Blob: Would you please help me? Hello? Hello!?!

The grill falls to the ground. The blob starts crying. A mechanical arm attaches to the tube with the blob in it and lifts it into the air. Inside the vents, Zim peers through another grill then crawls deeper into the vents. Zim looks through a grill on the floor and sees the aliens in the snack room. Blue holds a plate and Green looks at the cup.

Blue: And what if the juice had made him more powerful, did you ever think of that?

Green: Whoa, whoa, wait!

Blue sniffs the air.

Green: Are we talking about the same juice, hmm?

Blue sniffs his armpits.

Blue: Yeah. When's the last time you cleaned yourself?

Green: Define 'self.'

Cut to the next room. Zim opens the grill to the vents and clings to it. It falls to the ground along with Zim. Zim gets up and glances around, then walks over to the hatch of the escape pod. He pulls off a padlock which isn't closed then pulls on the handle ring of the hatch. The hatch starts to open and Zim uses a mechanical spider leg to open it all the way. Zim looks inside and sees his house through a window on the floor to the pod. Zim's communicator extends from his Irken Utility Pack and projects an image of GIR.

Zim: GIR! Come to Zim!

Cut to GIR. GIR opens the tube he is in and walks out. He presses the button to the door and it opens, leading him to the snack room. Green sniffs his armpit. The aliens look up and watch as GIR walks past them with the juice, sipping it.

Blue: Ooh! Now look at that! The other one's getting away!

Green: Ok, look at him go!

GIR opens the door to the escape pod room and salutes Zim, in serious mode. Zim grabs GIR and throws him into the pod. The aliens take a step toward Zim and claw the air, making half-hearted menacing groans. Zim gets into the pod and closes the hatch, then tightens the handle ring. The handle ring retracts into the hatch and the pod roars to life and lights up. GIR sits on the window looking at the house. Zim hops onto the seat. and several safety bars go over him. A view screen lowers from the ceiling that shows the second until launch beeps as it counts down.

Zim: Hold onto something, GIR!

The clips of the ship holding the pod on the ship unclip. GIR flies into the ceiling along with the juice. The pod falls from the whale and lands in Zim's yard. Zim opens the hatch and hops out. GIR follows. GIR walks to the house sipping the juice. Zim follows. The neighbor holds an ice cream cone.

Neighbor: Uhh... hmmm...

His wife sucks on the ice cream. The aliens look down on Zim's house through the hole where the escape pod was.

Blue: Gaah! I thought I told you to lock the escape ship room!

Green: Oh, just 'cause I didn't lock it is's my fault it was unlocked, is that what you're trying to say?

Blue: That's what I'm saying, yes!

Green: Fine, fine!

Green opens the door.

Green: If it makes you feel better to pretend I'm stupid... duuuuuuuuhhhhh...

Green picks up the grill and several pieces of metal.

Green: ...then go ahead! I'm gonna fuse these other humans to the blob thing!

Blue: Fine, you do that! I'm setting coordinates for the next Earthling specimen... The Earth weasel!

Blue hits a button on a computer which says 'Today's specimen: Human' on the monitor. It changes to 'Today's specimen: Weasel.' The door to the snack room closes. Cut to the transmission room of Zim's lab. The Tallest are on the transmission screen again.

Zim: Sorry, my Tallest. I may have found a species even dumber than the humans.

Purple: Were they... tall?

Cut to Dib's house. Dib and Gaz stand outside in front of the door. The ship flies over it, disguised as a giant baby. A shadow covers the house. A beam of green light envelopes Dib. Dib disappears. Gaz stands there for a few seconds then walks away.


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