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Career Day (Transcript)

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Kid 1: I wanna be a doctor!

Kid 2: I want to be a veterinarian!

KId 3: I want to be a fireman!

Zim: And I will be... LORD OF ALL HUMANS!

Dib: I'm gonna be a professional paranormal investigator so that I can spy on- (Dib is cut off as the camera pans toward Melvin) Hey, I wasn't finished!

Melvin: WHEN I GROW UP, I'M GONNA BE AN ASTRONAUT!!

Ms. Bitters: When I was your age, I wanted to be an astronaut too, Melvin.!

(show Ms. Bitters as a young girl in a spaceship)

Ms Bitters: And then my ship IMPLODED in the vacuum of space!

(the ship blows up)

Ms Bitters: The lesson here is that dreams inevitably lead to hideous implosions. That's why the school has instituted this test. From these questions we will determine your future careers. Then you will be partnered with an adult who works in your field. You will spend the rest of the day observing them and getting used to your wretched fates.

(Ms. Bitters hands Zim a test with what look like oil spills on the side)

Ms. Bitters: Write what you think each blotch looks like on the line next to it. Answer each one carefully; Your future depends on it.

Dib: What does identifying blotches have to do with determining our future careers?

Ms Bitters: Oh, you poor, doomed child.

(Zim writes "human slave" on two blotches while he scratches a rash)

(Dib looks at Zim suspiciously, and then goes back to taking his test. He writes "ghost" on one blotch and "Bigfoot" on another. )

Ms Bitters: Time's up! Pass your papers forward.

(Zim is bothered by his rash and bangs his head on his desk. He then writes "human slave" on the last blotch)

(A clunky machine falls from the ceiling)

Ms Bitters: The machine will now decide your fate. Brian, you're going to be a fireman.

Brian: But I wanted to be a doctor.

Ms Bitters: QUIET! THE MACHINE HAS SPOKEN! Sarah, you're going to be an astronaut.

(Sarah cries loudly)

Ms. Bitters: Spoo, You will be a veterinarian.

(Spoo raises his hand)

Spoo: But I'm allergic to animals.

Ms Bitters: Dib, you will be a...paranormal investigator.

Dib: Yes!

Ms. Bitters: Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-

Zim: Yes, yes, LORD OF HUMANS! I will rule you ALL with an Iron fist!

Ms. Bitters: No, Zim: The machine has assigned you a career in Fast Food Preparation.

Zim: Then I will prepare FOOD with my iron fist! Then, I will work my way up to ruling you ALL with my fist!

(Zim runs to Melvin)

Zim: You, obey the fist!

(Zim shakes his fist in Melvin's face)

(Ms. Bitters Growls)

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