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Mortos Der Soulstealer (Transcript)

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Dib stands in a graveyard, wearing a cloak. The clouds part and the shadows on the graves become shadowy demons that slither into the center of a circle of tombstones. The shadows form a a giant face on the ground. The face disappears and the ground where it was collapses, forming a smiley face that becomes a green-glowing pit of swirling energy. Souls and nightmare bats emerge from the pit. The souls form a funnel that reaches into the sky and causes green lightning. The funnel disperses into souls and all of the bats and souls fly off. Mortos Der Soulstealer drops from the sky onto his stomach and the pit closes up. Dib pulls back his hood. Mortos gets up. Dib runs up to Mortos and clears his throat, tugging on Mortos' coat.

Dib: Um, ancient traveler? Are you Mortos Der Soulstealer?

Mortos: Huh? Yes, I am Mortos Der Soulstealer! 

Cut to several planets aligning.

Mortos (VO): Every thousand years Taoola aligns with Charcunga, I escape from the place beneath the Overworld to walk among mortals for one day!

The planet becomes an ancient symbol.
Mortos (VO): Important plot point, this is.

Cut to Mortos standing in a city with green flame on the horizon as screaming people run by. The ground has a huge crack in it with green flames spewing out.

Mortos (VO): Men hide behind furniture! Women spit loogies of terror! Animals void their bowels at the sight of Mortos Der Soulstealer!

Mortos grins and then laughs maniacally. Cut back to the graveyard as Mortos' laughs become coughs. A bubble comes out of Mortos' mouth. Dib rubs some spit off of his forehead.

Dib: OKAY, GREAT!

Mortos wanders ahead, grunting.

Mortos: Hmmm?

Mortos looks past the graveyard into the city. Dib runs up to Mortos.

Dib: I have a job for you!
Mortos: Hmm?
Dib: Can you steal an alien soul?

Dib pulls out a digital camera from his jacket.

Mortos: Hmmm?

Dib scrolls through some pictures on the camera as he sits on a grave, going from a picture of Zim placing in a contact in the skool bathroom, to Zim in sizzling pain after trying to drink a SuckMunkey with GIR on the city streets, to Zim and GIR dragging a box down the street.

Dib: And I've seen him walking around the city dragging a spooky-looking box!

Mortos takes the camera.

Dib: I just know he's up to something! Something... evil!
Mortos (no longer holding the camera): Mortos like evil.
Dib: No, no. This is bad evil.
Mortos: Oh.
Dib leaps off of the grave.
Dib: That's where you come in, Mortos.

Green flames appear behind Mortos.

Mortos: I am Mortos!
Dib: Uh, yeah, you are.
Dib begins walking away.
Dib: I've been going at Zim using technology all this time, but that hasn't been working out too well. It's time to use some more supernatural tactics. Mortos?

Dib's glasses become temporarily shiny as he speaks. Dib looks behind him and sees Mortos rubbing his face against a grave.

Mortos: Uuuhh! Stone feel goood!

Dib walks up and Mortos stops. Mortos gets up.

Mortos: Look, Mortos been away a thousand years. Don't want to waste time stealing life JUICE of bug man from outer space! Mortos go now.

Mortos begins walking away.

Dib: Hold it!

Mortos stops. Dib pulls out a pamphlet from his jacket and opens it. A soul escapes from the pamphlet.

Dib: According to the ancient pamphlet, you must grant at least one mortal a wish before you can return to the spooky realm!

Mortos grabs the pamphlet.

Mortos: Pamphlet stupid!

Mortos drops the pamphlet and grunts as he crushes it under his foot. He pounds the pamphlet with his fist.

Mortos: Guh! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Mortos yells. He gets up.
Mortos: Okay. But powers very weak from thousand years in place beneath the Overworld.
Dib: Well, how do we fix that?

Cut to Mac Meaties. Mortos stands at the counter.

Mortos: Two quarter Porkies with cheese, one McGrease, no cheese, Meaty McMeat Meat Meat, cheese, and Appley Pie with meat.

The employee types into the register, then puts a tray with a huge stack of food onto the counter. Mortos proceeds to shovel food into his mouth. Dib reads the pamphlet.

Dib: Mortos, is this really how you recharge your unearthly powers?
Mortos: YES! Since before time began!

As Mortos yells, he spews grease onto Dib's face. Mortos grabs the employee by his head and lifts him up. The employee points to his palm, signaling his request for their payment.

Mortos: Mortos not carry cash.
Dib: Oh. Okay.

Dib sets down the pamphlet and reaches into his pocket. Cut to the outside of MacMeaties. Dib and Mortos walk down the sidewalk. Mortos, now wearing a MacMeaties hat, eats a burger.

Mortos: Mmm! Mortos' power... returning!

Dib walks around the corner and sees Zim and GIR (in their disguises) standing over a box labeled 'mutant vermin.' Zim reaches in and grabs a squealing rat. He tosses it into the rotating window of a house. The lights in the house go on. Zim walks to the next house, looking pleased with himself. GIR follows, dragging the box by a rope around his neck. Dib hides behind the cover of the corner.

Dib: There's Zim! And his box is full of things! Let's go! Mortos!

Dib sees that Mortos' shadow is actually just a mailbox with a cat sleeping on it. The cat meows.

Dib: Mortos!

Cut to a clothing store. Mortos stands in front of a mirror wearing rubber pants with Lors, an employee.

Mortos: Do Mortos' butt look big in these?

Mortos turns his butt to face Lors, who ponders the question. Dib runs up to the window and looks inside. He then runs inside and up to Mortos.

Dib: Mortos, come on!
Mortos: Mortos is trying on RUBBER PANTS! Mortos recharge faster when he look good. When Mortos look good, Mortos feel good.

Lors nods.

Dib: Mortos! You're not recharged yet?
Mortos: Take long time to get back to full! Mortos been away a thousand years. Look, they squeak when I bend knees.

Mortos bends his legs repeatedly and the pants squeak.

Dib: That's a stupid way to recharge.

Green flames surround Mortos.

Mortos: You dare insult the pants of Mortos!?!

Lors holds up a jacket.

Lors: A rubber jacket would make you feel fabulous!

Mortos takes the jacket. Dib grabs the jacket.

Dib: No! Mortos has work to do.

Dib rolls the jacket into a ball and hurls it at the worker, hitting his eye. Mortos leaves the store.

Dib: Mortos?

Dib goes to follow him but Lors grabs him by his head and lifts him up.

Lors: Uh, the pants aren't free!

Dib reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. Cut to the outside of the store. Dib runs out, panting. He runs along the sidewalk, looking at random stores as he runs by.

Dib: Mortos!?! Where are you!?! Mortos!?! Mortos!?!

Dib sees Zim and GIR walking along the sidewalk opposite him, separated by a street. The sounds of traffic are heard, despite the emptiness of the streets.

Dib: Zim!

Zim stops and notices Dib.

Zim (yelling): What?
Dib: Zim!
Zim (yelling): What?
Dib: Zim!
Zim (yelling): What?
Dib: Zim!
Zim (yelling): What?
Dib (yelling): You won't get away with it!
Zim (yelling): That's very nice of you!
Dib (yelling): No! Your plan! I'm going to stop you! I've got a secret weapon!
Zim (yelling): Where is it?
Dib (yelling): ...Around!...
Zim (yelling): Can it protect you from... THIS!?!

'This' is echoed. GIR sheds his doggy suit.

GIR: SAMMICH!

GIR points his head at Dib and a sandwich unfolds and launches out. Dib yells in slow motion as the sandwich hits him and sends him flying through a wall. Zim laughs. GIR zips up his doggy suit. Dib grunts as he falls out of the hole in the wall. Zim and GIR walk off.

GIR: I had a sammich in my head.

Dib gets up.

Dib: Laugh now, space monster, but my weapon is so powerful it... it... buys rubber pants.

Squeaking is heard.

Dib: Mortos?

Dib runs out into the street. He sees a carnival nearby. Mortos can be heard, shouting for joy. Dib wanders through the carnival and spots Mortos on a spinning ride with carts shaped like bees. 

Dib: What is wrong with him?

Mortos stands up and lifts up Peeyoopi and another child.

Mortos: I am Mortos!

Dib looks around. Yoodi licks from Zooglodon's lollipop, standing near a toy booth. Mortos stands near an employee named Darlene with an outstretched hand.

Mortos: Mortos think you pretty.

Hey walks under Mortos and his food is sucked into Mortos' hand. He runs off in terror.

Mortos: Mortos maybe call you sometime?

Necky walks under Mortos and his pizza is sucked into Mortos' hand. He too runs in terror.

Darlene O' Booboo: Alright!

A woman with a baby in a carriage goes past Mortos. The baby's candy cane is sucked into Mortos' hand. The baby cries and Mortos eats the food. He holds his hand out again and Dib walks under it. Dib is sucked into Mortos' grip.

Dib: You ditched me!
Mortos: Yes, Mortos ditch you, and Mortos sorry.

Mortos puts Dib down and pats his head.

Mortos: But many years ago, Mortos trust little boy like you.

A thought bubble appears with a baby Mortos in it, surrounded by toys.

Mortos: Little boy named... Flootchy!

The thought bubble shows skool child Meatball.

Mortos: Who sang songs to Mortos! That little boy break Mortos heart!

The thought bubble shows Meatball with a three-eyed creature. Mortos' eyes get watery. Baby Mortos in the thought bubble cries. The bubble closes up.

Mortos: Now, dark energy of Universe Mortos' only friend!

Dib: I'm sorry...
Mortos: And Darlene here...
Darlene O' Booboo: Hiii!

Dib: Gah! I can't believe I almost bought that SOB story! Mortos, you're no mighty master of spooky powers, like the pamphlet said! You're just a... a big mooch!
Mortos: You call Mortos mooch!?!
Dib: Yes, a mooch!
Mortos: MOOCH!?!
Dib: That's right!
Mortos: Mooch mooch mooch mooch mooch mooch!?!
Dib walks off.
Mortos (echoing): YOU WANT SEE POWER!?! I SHOW YOU POWER!

Glowing balls of energy form in Mortos' hands. Mortos groans as the sky swirls and the ground cracks. Green light spews from the crevice and souls fly from it. The people at the carnival run in terror. Souls enter a large clown-headed ride with spinning carts. The carts turn into hands, dropping the kids who were in them. The ride creature breaks loose, sending its arms into the ground at the nearby children. Another ride becomes possessed, growing spikes and breaking free from the ground. It walks into the crowd. The two ride monsters fight. Dib stands next to Mortos, watching from a distance.

Dib: Wow! Mortos, I believe you now! I always believed you, but you just seemed so... Oh, anyhow, let's go get Zim!
Dib runs off, but Mortos stands around looking tired.

Mortos: Mortos use up all power with that. Must return to spooky home. Mortos weak. Uuuuhh...

Mortos walks off. Dib stops.

Dib: Noo!! Mortos! Don't leave!

Dib runs up. Mortos stops.

Mortos: Well... Maybe I stay... if somebody help me recharge some more.
Dib: Hey!

Dib lifts his hand out and Mortos grabs it. Mortos squeezes Dib's hand.

Mortos: Mmmm!

Dib's life force is sucked dry and he becomes withered. Cut to a puppy store. Mortos makes pleased grunts as he watches the puppies in their display boxes. One sniffs Mortos. Mortos squeals with joy as he lifts up some puppies. Maurice the puppy man talks on the phone. Dib, no longer looking withered, holds balloons and various odds and ends.

Mortos: Who likes the soulstealer, hoho? Yes you do! Yes you do! Do do! Oh, do do! Doggy do!

Maurice the puppy man hangs up the phone.

Maurice the puppy man: Hey! I said no loitering! I've called the police already, you hear me?
Dib: Come on, Mortos!
Mortos: You scaring puppies! Mortos apologize for mean boy, puppies! Oh yeeeah! Ooooh!

GIR appears at the window.

GIR: PUPPIES!

GIR licks the glass.

Zim: No, GIR! You can eat later!

Zim grunts as he pulls GIR away.

Dib: Zim's out there! Mortos, let's go! You don't have much time left!

Mortos lifts up more puppies.

Mortos: Mortos almost recharged!

Mortos notices a soda machine and looses his grip on the puppies.

Mortos: Ooh! Soda! Mmm!

Mortos walks over to the soda machine.

Dib: Why do they have sodas at a pet store?

Cut to the street. Zim and GIR walk down the street.

GIR: You didn't have to yell at me.
Zim: Mmm hmm...
GIR: I's just... I got rid of my sammich.
Zim: Mmm hmm...
GIR: I's just thinkin'-
Zim: GIR! Another mutant biting thing!
GIR: Yes, vermin lord!

GIR grabs a mutant rat from the box and hands it to Zim, who hurls it into a window.

Zim: Onward to victory!
Dib: Zim! I don't know what your plan is, but I'm gonna stop it!

GIR break dances.

Zim: I am infecting this city with genetically enhanced vermin, but you'll never know!
Dib: You just told me.
Zim: You're lying!

Mortos walks up, drinking a soda.

Dib: Mortos! Grant my wish now! Steal Zim's life force!
Mortos: Still powering up...

Mortos sips his soda.

Mortos: Almost there...

Mortos sips. Mortos rumbles and grunts.

Mortos: Eh...

Mortos sips some more.

Zim: That's your secret weapon?
Zim and GIR: Eh.

Zim and GIR begin walking.

GIR: So, about my sammich...
Zim: Mmm hmm...

Dib runs after them. He tackles Zim.

Dib: I'll hold him here while you finish up, Mortos!
Zim: Get off of me! You smell like human!

Zim hurls Dib away, knocking the box of vermin over. They scatter into the street.

Zim: Oh! The vermin!

GIR claps as he yells with glee.

Zim: Eh, eh, eh...

GIR cheers and jumps on his head. Mortos continues drinking. Dib knocks Zim over and lifts up the vermin box.

Dib: Mortos! Where are you!?!

Dib throws the box onto Zim. Zim grunts. Mortos finishes. Zim and Dib continue fighting.

Mortos: Ahhh! Refreshment! Mortos grant wish now! What you want again? Helloooo?

DA' CONE walks down the sidewalk.

DA' CONE: Weee hooo! I wish I had me some ice cream!

Mortos: Your wish is granted!

The city shakes. A vortex opens, sending out souls and a beam of light. Zim and Dib stop fighting. A spooky ice cream man emerges from the vortex. Meatsi, Plaque, and Hoggo McStink run up to the ice cream man. The ice cream man hands DA' CONE a spooky ice cream with a face in it. DA' CONE takes the cone and the ice cream man flies into the vortex along with the children.

DA' CONE: Hey! Whaddya know!

DA' CONE licks his ice cream.

DA' CONE: Eeew, raisins!

DA' CONE walks off, tossing his ice cream onto the sidewalk. Dib runs up to the ice cream.
Dib: Noooo!!!

Mortos: Mortos so weak! Must go return now...

Mortos yawns. The ground in front of him split open. Mortos' eye begins to close.

Dib: Noo!! Mortos, you still owe me!
Mortos: Maybe next time, you not be so cheap with Mortos! See you in a thousand years!

Mortos leaps over the pit, but flies into the air instead of falling in.

Dib: Nooooooo!!!

The pit closes. Cut to Dib lying on the ground as Zim pokes him with a stick.

Dib: Noooooo!!!
Zim: Eh. Eh. Okay. Well, guess I'll get on with my evil scheme then. Come on, GIR.

Zim and GIR walk off, dragging the box away. A light from a police helicopter shines down on Dib as cop cars surround him. Two cops grab him.

Dib: What... what... what're you... what!?!

Maurice the puppy man stands nearby as the Lobotomy Cop fills out some forms. Officer Pambrey holds onto Dib.

Dib: What's happening!?!

A newspaper appears with the headline 'INSANE BOY TERRORIZES PUPPIES IN PET STORE.

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