Walk of Doom
GIR in disguise falls from the ceiling in the living room and lands on the couch. GIR uses a cushion as a spring-board and bounces into the center of the room.
GIR: Yeee-HOOOO! I'm running, I'm running!
GIR continues screaming happily as he runs along the archway in between the living room and the kitchen. He runs into the kitchen and steps on the lever that opens the trashcan as he runs by it. He runs around the toilet and around the table and then jumps into the air. He hits the wall with a grunt right above the open trashcan and slides into it. He continues screaming as he slides down into the underground lab, the trashcan closes behind him. In the lab, Zim works the levers of some mechanical arms. The mechanical arms are inside a large tube. One of them is a claw that holds a computer chip. The other is a laser pen-looking thing that Zim uses on the chip. GIR slides into the lab through a high-tech laundry-chute-like tube. GIR slides across the floor and eventually comes to a stop. GIR then removes his disguise.
GIR: I'm naked!
GIR starts running around the lab.
GIR: I don't need it! I don't need it!
GIR grunts as he runs into the same laundry-chute-thing he came out of. He falls to the ground, his eyes lacking color now. The top of the tube opens up and the mechanical claw arm holding the chip lifts it above the tube. Zim takes the chip.
Zim: Done. The finest in Irken guidance technology, and I have improved it.
Zim starts walking forward.
Zim: With these upgrades, GIR, there will be nothing that you cannot find, no situation that you cannot guide us out of.
Zim presses the tip of GIR's antenna and the top of his head opens up, revealing a beehive in his head. Bees start flying around.
Zim grabs the beehive and sticks it into the laundry-chute-thing, where it is sucked upwards along with the bees.
Zim: Now, if we could just work on your behavior.
Zim starts sticking the chip into GIR's head.
GIR: Aw, my bees...
Zim lifts his hands from GIR's head since the chip is now in place.
Zim: You now possess superior geographic guidance abilities, GIR.
Zim hunches over a laptop-like device.
Zim: Report upgrade status.
GIR hops to attention, now in Duty Mode, and salutes.
GIR: Sir, guidance chip in place and fully functional, sir.
GIR lowers his saluting hand.
Zim: Demonstrate. Which way is... the skool?
GIR squints and looks around. He goes into search mode and everything he sees is transparent. A little box in the upper right corner shows a picture of the skool, but disappears when his vision zooms ahead to where the skool is. He points up to his upper right.
Zim: Good, GIR! Now, something tougher. Where is planet Blorch?
GIR goes into search mode again. A little box in the upper right corner shows a picture of planet Blorch, and GIR's vision zooms into the stars past satellites and planets until it stops at planet Blorch. Two moons circle it. GIR points to his upper left.
Zim: Excellent! Now, where is our home planet, Irk?
GIR moves his finger a tiny bit.
Zim: Perfect! Okay, GIR. I think a field test is in order.
GIR relaxes, reverts to normal mode, and walks up to one of the monitors that is playing static.
Zim: Let's go into the nearby city and get as lost as we can.
The monitor goes from static to the Scary Monkey Show. The Scary Monkey is breathing heavily.
Zim: GIR, no cheating! Shut your chip off first.
GIR: Do we have to go right now? I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show!
Zim turns around and glares at the Scary Monkey Show.
Zim: That monkey...
Close-up on the Scary Monkey as the fly buzzes around his face.
Zim: As soon as we're lost enough you just use the chip to guide us home. Now, put your disguise back on! I have devised a new, even more insidiously clever disguise for myself!
The front door opens and the disguised GIR walks out on a leash. Zim, with his new disguise, walks out behind him, holding the leash. His new disguise includes a coat, a beard, and a hat with a flower sticking out of it.
Zim: Be alert, GIR! On this planet we are surrounded by danger, and madness!
GIR: Ooh, I like madness!
The camera pans from the residential area to the city. Traffic moves slowly through the city. Zim looks around nervously as he walks GIR along the sidewalk. They walk past a clothing store. They walk in the street Zim frowns as they walk past a shop that has rows of TVs in a display window, all playing the Scary Monkey Show. The Scary Monkey breathes heavily. GIR stops to watch, but Zim keeps walking and GIR is dragged along because of the leash. They walk along more streets and shops and when they reach a street corner, a Chihuahua walks in front of them. The Chihuahua appears to go static when a passing car creates wind that tugs on it. Zim is frightened by this.
Zim and GIR walk into a park where a mime has a crowd. The crowd members step forward and start giving the mime change. Zim drags GIR along, and ends up back in the street corner he was at a second ago.
Zim: Okay. I think I've had my fill of these horrible... stink-people-things for today. So activate your guidance chip and lead the way to home!
GIR looks around and then points upward. Zim looks baffled, then chuckles a bit.
Zim: No. No GIR, not Irk. I meant our home base here on Earth.
GIR: Oh, here.
GIR points downward.
Zim: Our HOUSE, GIR! Which direction is our house?
GIR: Um, that way.
GIR points behind them. He looks around.
GIR: No, wait, um, it's over there.
GIR points to another random direction.
Zim: How could you not know! I just upgraded your guidance system!
GIR: Oh, I left that at home.
Zim: You left what at home?
GIR: The guidey, chippy, thingy.
Zim: You! Why would you do that!?!
GIR: To make room for the cupcake!
GIR unzips the top of his disguise and a cupcake pops out. He starts eating it sloppily. When he finishes it, he licks the wrapper.
Zim: (grunts) How could you do this? You've left us stranded in the middle of the enemy territory! Surrounded by humans!
GIR's eyes start to tear up, as he looks sadly up at his master.
Zim: I can see that you understand your mistake, GIR, and me being angry will get us no closer to home. I will just have to use my innate invader survival skills to get us out of here.
Zim walks over to a trashcan.
Zim: See, GIR? The Almighty Tallest have not placed their trust in me without reason.
Zim hops into the trashcan. GIR sobs and looks at the cupcake wrapper.
GIR: I miss you, cupcake.
Zim pops out of the trashcan with scraps of metal in his hand.
Zim: I will use these pieces of scrap metal to fashion a compass...
Zim starts folding the scrap metal.
Zim: ...using this planet's own magnetic field against it!
Zim turns around.
Zim: Now, witness the power of my compass!
Zim turns around again and shows GIR the compass, which beeps. Zim moves it from side to side but the arrow constantly points at GIR. Then the compass flies out of Zim's hands and attaches to GIR.
GIR: Aw... It likes me!
Zim: Perhaps a compass is not the best tool for this situation.
Zim grabs the compass and throws it in the garbage can.
GIR: Why don't we ask the information humans for help? (points toward a nearby building bearing the words "INFORMATION CENTER")
Zim: I will NOT stoop so LOW as to ask the HEW-mans for help!
A bus passes by them and then starts backing up to where they are.
Zim: You speak nonsense, GIR! We help ourselves.
A sign on the bus says "What about the bus?"
GIR: (reading) What.. about.. the.. bus?
A man who was waiting at the bus stop boards the bus and dumps some change into the change bin which has a sign over it that says "exact fare please."
Zim: Excellent, GIR! We will use one of their own methods of transportation to beat this revolting city!
Zim and GIR take the front seats right behind the driver.
Bus driver: Where d'you think you're goin'?
Zim: I go home. Now mind your business, bus slave!
Bus driver: You don't go anywhere without bus fare!
She coughs and points to the change bin.
Bus driver: This ain't a free ride, little man! (snort) You need money!
Zim: You expect me to pay to be on this filthy machine? Have you the brain worms!?!
Zim screams as he is kicked off the bus, followed by GIR who grunts as he hits the ground and bounces.
Zim: Fine! I don't need your bus! I will use the power of your sun to find my way!
Bus driver: Weirdo. (snort)
GIR: Are we gonna ride the sun home?
Zim: No, GIR. I can use the Earth's sun to determine which direction is west. The Earth's sun always sets in the west. Now watch me amaze you!
Zim stares into the Sun.
Zim: Hmmm, emmm, mmmm.
Zim's eyes start smoking. They begin to bubble up and fry.
Zim: Wait a minute... I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!
Zim starts running around.
Zim: AAAH! NO! HELP! NO!
Zim continues screaming as GIR squeals happily, running after Zim.
Zim: No! GIR! I think they booby-trapped their sun somehow!
Zim runs into a wall and slides down it, moaning. His eyes are still smoking and bubbled over.
Zim: A minor setback, GIR. We'll be home in no time. I'll just wait until the skin grows back on my eyeballs!
It goes from daylight to night. Zim wakes up and rubs his eyes which are now back to normal.
Zim: GIR! I can see! I can see! Now we can figure out how to escape this filthy place.
GIR wiggles around, asleep, and makes funny noises. He wiggles his tongue.
Maurice Morgan: Get a job, ya bum!
Zim: That's it! If we can find a job, we can make money. With this money, we can ride the bus! I'm going to beat you, city! You won't make a fool of this Irken invader!
In the park, Flan watches a man eat a snake. A man plays a guitar, a hobo holds a sign that says "will stop screaming for food", a person spins around on a mat, a man has bees all over his face, and a man juggles. Zim's hat lies on the ground, and people put change into it. Zim acts like a mime, and GIR acts like a windup toy. GIR rotates slowly, and then spins around. A pale-faced man wearing the same clothes as Zim and holding a bag of stolen money peeks his head through the crowd. He stares slack-jawed, as Zim does what resembles a karate move. The man smiles. He approaches and puts some money in the hat.
The bus driver opens the bus door and sees GIR and Zim waiting there, Zim holding the hat full of money.
GIR: I'm gonna eat a rat!
The bus driver raises an eyebrow. Zim dumps the contents of the hat into the change bin and begins walking towards the seats.
Zim: Finally, we are heading home!
The bus goes forward a couple of feet but then gets caught in a traffic jam. Traffic is at a standstill along the entire street. Zim and GIR walk along the aisles.
GIR: I smell dooky!
They take a seat facing an old crying woman with a drooling baby on her lap. Zim gasps and looks to GIR, who smiles, makes a funny noise, and closes his eyes. Zim looks worried and looks back at the baby, who now has an evil look on his face. Zim gets more worried and looks back to GIR, who smiles, closes his eyes, and makes a funny noise. Zim looks back at the mean looking baby. Zim starts sweating. He looks back at GIR, who smiles, closes his eyes, and makes a funny noise. Zim looks out the window, where he sees a man call for a taxi cab. The man gets in the cab and the cab drives along the sidewalk to avoid the traffic. Zim looks around. He sees Carol Milican picking her nose. He sees a drooling man, and a mean-looking baby. He sees an old man with flies on him. He sees a frowning clown, who has a chicken leg in his hair. He sees the an old woman wiping her eyes, then looks back at the old man with the flies again and then back at Carol Milican, who continues to pick her nose. Then he looks at GIR who smiles, closes his eyes, and makes a funny noise.
Zim: I cannot stay on this bus any longer!
The bus drives away, leaving Zim and GIR on the sidewalk.
Zim: What is wrong with these people!?! This place is just begging to be destroyed!
GIR: Woo! I like destroying!
GIR kicks a can of Poop-brand soda.
Zim: GIR! I have a plan!
Zim looks at the taller buildings.
Zim: Ocular implants are standard Invader issue. From the top of that building my incredible eyes (echo) should be able to spot our neighborhood. Come on!
As they cross the street, a man with an ice cream cart passes by.
Ice cream man: Ice cream, ugh, somebody buy it. OH! Ice cream, I got ice cream here.
As Zim approaches the bank entrance, police cars pull up to the building. Inside, a woman talks to the police. The bank entrance is open but police lines stop people from entering. Zim and GIR walk under the police line. Zim sees the sign that says 'stairs' and smiles. They proceed towards the stair when the bank teller screams.
Bank teller: OOOOOH!!! It's him!
Officer Prambly looks at a picture from the security cam of the man seen earlier who was dressed like Zim with a bag of stolen money. He lowers the photo and looks at Zim.
Officer Pambrey: Hey, that's the guy! And he's back for mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore! (brief pause) Get 'im!
Zim screams as the police start running after him. He runs to the door that leads to the stairs. He starts climbing the stairs when his arachnid robot legs come out of his PAK and help him go faster. He picks up GIR and carries him along. They make it to the roof. They both scream as Zim jumps off the roof but uses the spider legs to cling onto the ledge. GIR makes a triumphant noise.
Zim: Okay, now, where do we go from here?
Zim looks from building to building and settles on a spot.
Zim: There! That looks about right. Now, GIR, use your jets to fly us home.
A helicopter hovers in front of where Zim and GIR are, shining lights on them.
GIR's jets activate and Zim's arachnid robo legs retract into his backpack. Zim rides on GIR and GIR squeals as he dodges a net that the police helicopter drops. They swerve around the helicopter and when it is out of sight, GIR's jets start to go out. Zim gasps and they scream as GIR heads on a crash course into an alleyway. They land in a dumpster, scaring a dog away. Zim crawls out of the dumpster and GIR lifts his head up, with an empty box of Krispy O's on his head.
Zim: What happened!?! How did you run out of fuel that quickly!?!
GIR knocks the empty cereal box off his head.
GIR: I emptied it out.
Zim: Emptied it? Why!?!
GIR hops out of the dumpster.
GIR: To make room for the TOO-NAA!!
GIR pops off one of his feet and starts sucking tuna sloppily from his open leg. Zim cringes.
Zim: Okay. Hey!
A taxi pulls over and Zim and GIR enter. The cab driver, Ron Jeremy, coughs.
Ron: Where to?
Zim: You think I won't be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment, and it is paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now, human, take me to... that way!
Zim points to his right.
Zim: And quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!
The cab drives off. It turn from night to day. Cut to Mexico. A dead pig is in a store window. Some piñatas hang from the ceiling. Two rats dance with each other. A butcher with a rose in his mouth dances. A little girl holds a plate of something that says 'FEO' (meaning ugly in Spanish) on it. The cab drops Zim and GIR off here. Zim looks very disgruntled, but GIR dances. The shop says 'Carne' (meaning meat) on it.